Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Oh, Baby

I am aching for a baby. I don't know why my desire to procreate is so strong right now. I haven't held an infant recently. No one I know is pregnant. We have reached the stage with our children where the unpleasant aspects of having a baby are part of the past.

Ariel is potty trained. After changing diapers for four straight years, both my daughters are pantie wearing "big girls". Is it possible to miss diaper changes? Am I so crazy that I would get pregnant just so I can have a little bottom to clean?

Yes, I think I am.

But, no I think I won't.

I'm an intelligent woman. I am good at math. I know that diapers + formula + infant checkups + our normal expenses > my take home pay.

It is a pity that I am so smart. I really want a baby. I want three kids running around my house for the next twenty years and six to nine grandchildren to keep me company in my old age. I want my husband to have a son.

I know you are thinking, "It's okay. You are young. You can have more children later."

But I know what happens. The youngest child turns four and the joy of not having to deal with naps, sleepless nights, teething, and pregnancy overrides the desire to have more children. Parents start realizing that two is a nice even number where you conveniently assign each child to a parent, juggling gymnastics for one and ballet for the other with grace. Families of five are are busy, harried, chaotic and require a mini-van.

I only have one and a half years until Ariel turns four. One and a half years is not long enough to pay off the fifty-five thousand dollar debt that hanging over our heads. In three years both our kids will be in school and Jeff can go back to work. In five years I will be approaching forty and my oldest will be nine. Tick-tock, Tick-tock. Can you hear it?

If I don't have a baby now, it will never happen. So I'll pray. Pray that God will provide a way. Pray that our birth control will fail. Pray that I can have one more child. If these desires are not part of God's plan, I will pray that the next year and a half passes quickly so I can start convincing myself that a family of four is fine.

24 comments:

The Sports Mama said...

Oh honey. I feel for you, truly I do. I still have twinges where I wish with everything in me that Coach could have had a little girl to spoil and cuddle and treat like a princess, and that my boys would have been gifted with a little sister to protect and torment.

I have decided that Coach and I will be the most amazing in-laws, and the hands-down favorite grandparents!

Huckdoll said...

I will also say a prayer each night that your birth control fails. Seriously, it will be the weirdest thing I've prayed for, but you never know :)

Irene said...

You know, the thing is, you can easily regret NOT having more children, but you will (most likely) NEVER regret having children.

I remember when I was pregnant with my last, two of my neighbors (who each have 2 grown kids) were talking about how they really wish they would have tried to have another. The kid years go SO fast! So not having kids just because you will have a couple years of diapers, less sleep etc is really not a good argument. Hey the best gift you can give your kids, are siblings!!!

We have 3, my husband's income is not great by any means. But we manage. I always feel that (financially) you will find a way. The third child requires a lot less stuff. You usually have a lot of baby furniture, toys etc. If you have another girl, you have many clothes to pass down. Kallie has definitely been our cheapest kid!

Sorry, but I definitely think you should go for it!!!!

But that's just me...

E said...

I am 45. I don't know how old I will have to be to stop getting baby fever.
But the third baby was amazing in a way I couldn't predict. We knew what we were doing. Everybody was so relaxed. The older kids loved him like a puppy.
No question three is way more than two. But it smoothes out the edges somehow too. Everybody gets more flexible. The family stretches and there are new permutations we never would have found playing two on two. I suspect lots of people regret the baby they didn't have. But I don't know anybody who regrets the one they did....good luck with this...I am sending you lots of good vibes

Karen said...

Almost 4 years ago, I felt the same way. But when that third child comes along, you "just do it". God has always made a way for us and we have never wanted for anything - except a minivan, which we got a few months after having our 3rd child. :) So I say if it is another child you want - and you are willing to endure the good and the bad that comes with it - you really should do it.

DanaB said...

I hear ya, been there n done that!

We have two hooligans, they're tween/teens now...we babysit five toddlers--that fills any baby urge for me now!!

~~

Maria said...

That's a great outlook on things! IF birth control fails, you'd be happy. I know a woman who had 3 kids. She was done having kids, her husband got the big fixer-upper. At 40 she found out she was going to have a baby anyway! This time with twins! She went from being happy with 3 to having 5! But guess what? She didn't give the babies back. I have 4 and I'm actually crazy enough to want more. I don't have the room or the money, but I just always wanted a big family. Good luck.
Maria

lattemommy said...

At the risk of sounding like a repeat of everyone else... go for it. Skip your pill, snip a hole in that condom, "forget" where you are in your cycle. Whatever your choice of birth control methods, give that 1% (or more) chance of failure an opportunity to shine!!

You will always find a way to make it work. You will always love your children, whether there are 2 or 3 (or more!). You will never be able to take back that feeling of regret if you don't try for something you really want.

dlyn said...

Oh my - I went through these same feelings so many times. I have 2 girls too and even now, I wonder what it would have been like to have a boy. I've got a grandson now though and that is pretty cool. If I had had 3 kids, I imagine I would have wanted 4. Praying that God orders this for you in His prefect timing :)

Mommy Cracked said...

That's about all you can do with tough decisions like this. Pray. I am struggling with the same thing. It took us four years to get pregnant with our son and he is three now. And I will be 34 this year. I know we need to decide soon.

Amy said...

God never gives you any more than you can handle, so if you are blessed with another little one, it was meant to be!!
I still have little urges every now and then, but they last for all of a second! I mean four is definitely enough!

LunaNik said...

I could have written this post myself.

I want another sooooo bad. But it has to be a girl. HAS TO.

I already have two girls, so a third would fit in nicely. Shared room, shared toys, hand me downs...perfect.

((sigh)...It probably will not happen. Hubby is happy with two. And, the last time I checked, it was necessary to have his "help" when it comes to conceiving ;)

3XMom said...

Miracles can happen. I had fertility treatments to get my first two - and just like clockwork I got pregnant with my 3rd all on my own. So..you never know. But it sounds like you really want one. If so, you should just go for it!

OHmommy said...

We sold ALL OF OUR BABY ITEMS after our lola was born. All of them. I was sure I was done. And then. I wasn't sure any more. I wanted a third. I NEEDED a third. I wanted three children running around MY house. And then someone gave me some advice,

You might always regret never having the third; but, you will never regret having them.

Well said. I finally, feel so complete. I have my family. If you can say that outloud and mean it... then you are done.

Jennifer, Le Binky Bitch said...

I have a 2 year old and an almosst 9 month old and I want another one. So, yeah, I totally understand.

pb&j in a bowl said...

I'm going through the same thing right now, except it would be our second child. Sometimes I want one really badly, other times, I'm completely happy with just the one.

Kellan said...

This is a big wish! It's hard when you really want something this big and yet you can't see it realistically happening. If it is meant to be - it will be! Take you time over the next year - it will show itself - the answer. I hope you get what you want. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care - Kellan

Kimmylyn said...

You are a brave women.. I too sometimes get that pang.. but then my little one wakes up screaming because of his teeth.. etc..

I will cross my fingers and pray that your birth control fails.. :)

KIDZMAMA said...

All our friends said we were crazy when we decided to have a third when our first two were five and seven. Then we had to have a fourth to keep the third one company! Four is perfect for us.

Good luck!

Jane the Sane said...

My bff is pregnant with her 3rd at age 37. Her daughter is 9 and her son is 8. So I wouldn't say you are safe when your LO turns 4. I am curious what your husband thinks. Have you asked him?

Kelly said...

Wow, we really are soul sisters. Now we are having the exact same thoughts.

I pray that your birth control fails and that mine does not, at least not until we work out this whole where-is-the-proper-place-to poop-thing.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I wanted another baby (someday) too. I was nursing and taking birth control pills. I got pregnant. She drives us crazy, but we love her! Have a baby. The rest will take care of itself.

lattemommy said...

Just wanted to let you know that I've tagged you for a meme. Completely no pressure, though. I thought you might think it was fun.

However, if you haven't forgiven me for not doing the one you tagged me for yet, I'll totally understand. I have to get on that...

Lizzi said...

There must be something in the air ... I've been the same way lately. And I'm already 40, with a 10 year old and a 7 year old. I keep thinking "what am I? Crazy?" My life is good right now, and I know how much all of it would change with a baby. Sigh ...