What are we but our stories?

I am reading “Sam’s Letters to Jennifer” by James Patterson. Last night a passage from the book spoke volumes to me. I want to share it with you today.

“As I chiseled my column, the day disappeared into night. At one in the morning, I was still writing and rewriting about how lucky I was that Sam has put her thoughts down for me to read. How many of my readers were so lucky? How many of us know the true stories of our parents and grandparents? How many of us share the stories of our lives with our own children? What a loss to the children if we don’t. What are we but our stories?”

Whether you are a blog reader or writer, you know the power of the written word. My blog started with the desire to tell my story. I’m afraid that I sound very conceited in revealing this. The desire to tell my story is not based on an incredible fascination with me, but in the joy and wonder I felt when I read part of my grandparent’s story. Their story took me to Holland during WWII when they were dating. It was intriguing to have a window into their early life together.

I have no idea if my words will be poured over by my children or grandchildren. I am happy to know that if they want to open a door to the past and see what things were like for us, it is revealed here. I am revealed here.

“What are we but our stories?” - James Patterson

Losing Something

This is my watch. I am very fond of my watch. My husband got it for me on my 30th birthday when I was three months pregnant with his first child. I think it is fitting to give your wife a diamond watch when she hits a milestone birthday and she cannot drink because you have knocked her up. I love this watch.

Every day when I go to the gym I take my jewelry off. It is a very nerve wracking thing to do. In addition to my beautiful watch, I own several Liz Palacios necklaces that my husband has gifted to me over the last 5 years. I love my husband. He adorns me with beautiful jewelry.

At the gym I place my necklace and watch into my gym bag which goes into a locker. I used to place my jewelry in the locker next to my clothes until I accidentally left my watch in the locker. I didn't realize my watch was lost until the next day. Luckily it was still in the locker where I left it.

Lesson learned. I now place my jewelry in a zippered compartment of my gym bag. I often forget to zip up the compartment, and I am sure this is the reason that I am missing one of my Judith Jack necklaces. Thankfully it was not a gift from my husband, but a gift from me to me.

This morning I opened the top compartment of my jewelry box to get my watch and touched the empty space inside. I immediately thought that my watch must still be in my gym bag. I spend the majority of the week only wearing my jewelry half of the day because I often forget to put it back on after my workout.

I reached into the zippered compartment of my gym bag and found it empty. At this point I began to freak out. It occurred to me that I could have placed my watch in the other compartments of my bag by mistake, so I removed everything from my bag searching for my watch. I didn’t find it. Not only did I not find my watch, I also didn’t have to unzip a single zipper during my search. I chided myself for my inability to zip anything up and thus leaving everything open to falling out. My mind ran through the multiple places my watch could have fallen out – the gym, walking back to the office, my office, getting into my car, the car, the garage, etc.

I am now significantly freaked out and wondering if I should tell my husband to keep and eye out for my watch. Part of me knows that he could reasonably find it because some of the places I could have lost it are in my house. The other part of me would rather hide my indiscretion until I can confirm that my watch isn’t lying safely in my car.

As I approached my sleeping husband something occurred to me. I kissed Jeff good bye and smiled. “I couldn’t find my watch.”

His eyes opened in alarm. “You lost your watch!”

“Well,” I said. “I thought I did and I was looking everywhere for it. But I just realized that it was on my wrist the whole time.”

Can I blame my pregnancy? The amount of time between when I “lost” my watch and when I actually put it on my wrist couldn’t have been more than three minutes. Only pregnant people lose things in a matter of three minutes.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

An open letter to Benefiber

To whom it may concern,

I just want to point out that your packaging clearly states...

"Be creative with Benefiber. Try it in your coffee, juice, yogurt, whatever you desire. You won't even know it's there."

Benefiber DID NOT mix well in my mango margarita. I am not sure if it was the ice or alcohol that caused the Benefiber to become clumpy. I would appreciate it if you could do some research and get back to me about this issue.

Creatively regular,
Amy

Achilles Tendonitis

I can't walk. It started yesterday after my run. At first it was a dull annoying pain. Within a couple of hours I was limping. I went to bed last night hoping that a good nights sleep would make all the difference.

I woke up this morning and before I moved a muscle I prayed, "God, please let the pain be gone. I really want to take the kids to the park today." I stepped out of bed, and felt fine. Praise the Lord. Fifteen minutes later I was not fine anymore.

I googled "common running injury". My symptoms of dull or sharp pain anywhere along the back of the tendon, but usually close to the heel resulted in a self-diagnosis of Achilles Tendonitis.

I have an inflamed Achilles tendon caused by poor stretching and excessive hill running. To get better I need to stop running, avoid weight-bearing movements, take ibuprofen for 7 days, ice the area to reduce inflammation and keep it elevated whenever possible.

It is sunny and 78 degrees today. It is spring. Tomorrow and for the next 6 days we are expecting highs in the 50's and rain. One perfect day of spring and I need to stay immobile. I really have no choice. I cannot afford to have this injury linger. One week from tomorrow I will escape the rain of the Pacific Northwest for the sun of Mexico. I have to sacrifice this one spring day so I can enjoy the use of my legs for one whole week in Mexico.

I have never been good at restraining myself. We went to the park. Jeff usually grocery shops on Saturdays, but he sacrificed for us. I guess that is what a family does. Each sacrificing a little of themselves so as a whole we can experience a unity that brings joy and memories. In five years the memory of the perfect spring day at the park will remain with me. I hope that my tendonitis will not.

Thank you, The Long Version.

"Words are things, and a small drop if ink, falling like dew upon a thought, produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think." - Lord Byron

I have had the pleasure of reconnecting with some old friends lately. I’ve found a roommate, a best friend, and favorite companions from years ago. I’ve read their emails, social network profiles and messages. Reading the words of these old friends has transported me back to the days when I conversed with them on a regular basis. I have rediscovered their personality and wit just by reading a few sentences. It leaves me speechless.

I didn’t realize the power of the written word. When I write, I do so to convey a story or a thought. What I am revealing without intention is the very essence of me. I am silly, thoughtful, impulsive, considerate, attention seeking, and appreciative. I have no doubt that you know all this just from reading my words.

I’ve also realized that I know more about you then I thought I did. I visit the blogs of people who comment here. In each visit I learn more about you and I keep coming back. I may not always have time to comment, but you intrigue me. You entertain me. You help me examine the world around me by opening my heart and mind to your opinions, situations and life. Blogging is a powerful thing.

Yesterday, OhMommy at Classy Chaos awarded me with her Classy Blog award. I can’t tell you how honored I am to received this award. OhMommy is a wonderful, caring, outgoing, amazing individual who I respect greatly. She has revealed herself through her blog, comments, emails and instant messages. I know this woman. She is my friend.

Some people downplay the friendships that result from blogging. I don’t. Blogging is an ongoing dialogue between me and other bloggers. It is a special interaction that takes place through reading, commenting and emails. It is an interaction that happens every day, an interaction that can only result in friendships.

I want to thank all of you who choose to spend some time with me each week. Some of you have never met me, some are just rediscovering me, and some of you know me well. I value every interaction with all of you. Your words when poured onto the computer screen come to life in my mind until suddenly I can see you and I know you. These words can exist in a personal message, email, social network, or blog. Their location does not diminish their power.

Suck On What?

The Mommy Kelly wrote a post yesterday that sparked my memory.

I tried to breastfeed both my children. It didn't work. I know most woman have difficulty nursing in the beginning. My problems were a little more complex then that.

Belle was born on Monday, January 26th at 10:25 am. Her first outing was Tuesday evening. A friend of mine was hosting a Party Lite candle party and I wanted to go. My sister-in-law, Amy and I bundled up Belle and got in the car. Belle began crying so much that soon I had to pull over and let Amy drive so I could sit in the back seat with Belle.

I was able to calm Belle down by putting the crook of my pinky in her mouth. In the process I noticed that her mouth seemed a little dry and there were no tears on her cheeks. I had been nursing Belle for twenty to forty minutes every three hours, so although she seemed dehydrated, I didn't think it was possible.

The next morning was Belle's first pediatricians appointment. After I met the doctor I told her the story from the night before and we talked about the breast feeding schedule. The doctor did a quick examination of Belle and then opened a cupboard and pulled out a 2 ounce bottle of formula. Without a word the doctor proceeded to feed my child. Belle finished the bottle in record time even though I had just nursed her a hour ago.

We went on to find out that my body was not producing any milk. We used formula to keep Belle alive and nursed to try to get my milk to come in. I rented a hospital grade breast pump to try to simulate milk production. A thirty minute session of pumping yielded less then 1/2 an ounce of "milk". After 2 weeks we gave up and gave in to full time formula feeding.

Seventeen months later Ariel was born. I was determined to breast feed her, but aware that I could run into the same problems. The breast feeding seemed to be going well. At three days old Ariel didn't appear to be dehydrated but still I followed a 40 minute breast feeding session with a bottle of formula, just to see if she was still hungry. She greedily ate the entire bottle.

I once again tried everything I could to get my milk to come in; pumping, beer, hot compresses and even prescription medication. Nothing worked.

My children's exposure to breast feeding is very limited.

Recently my friend Jill breast fed her daughter while she was babysitting my girls. Jill covered herself up during the feeding, but my girls were still enthralled. They asked a lot of uncomfortable questions. Poor Jill, did her best to answer them.

Last week Belle was playing mommy with her baby doll. She asked me to babysit her doll while she went to work. As she handed her doll to me she said, "And Mommy, if she gets hungry, just let her suck on your belly."

I was trying so hard not to laugh that I missed the prefect opportunity to explain breast feeding to my daughter. I need to remedy this, otherwise the birds and the bees talk in 5 years is going to be very uncomfortable.

Learning new tricks

I played basketball and softball in high school. When our team traveled to away games we would braid each other's hair. I was the only girl on the bus who didn't know how to braid. I would get my hair braided, but could not return the favor. No one seemed to mind. I didn't considered braiding a life skill, so I never learned how to do it.

Flash forward to today. My four year old comes to me with a comb and hair ties. She wants me to braid her hair. Suddenly braiding is a life skill.

My first attempt was a simple braid starting at the nape of her neck. The braid was rejected immediately. Belle wants her braid to start at the top of her head.

Like a French braid.

Yikes!

This is serious level two braiding we are talking about here. I can't tell my four year old that I don't know how to braid hair. So I sucked it up; tried to remember how my softball buddies preformed this complicated task; and went for it.

I was pretty impressed with the results.

Belle was not.

She wanted the pony tail on the top of her head to be braided.
Like this:


Hey, I'm getting pretty good at this. Now all I need is one of those doll heads to practice on.

Mommy Modified

This has been a month of anniversaries. I happily celebrated my 100th post and 11 years of marriage. My next anniversary is bitter sweet.

On March 5, 2007 I walked into my boss’s office and asked for a full time job and a raise. I did this knowing that it would solve our financial difficulty. I also knew that I would be turning over the full-time care of my children to my husband’s capable hands and my time with them would decrease dramatically. It was not an easy decision for Jeff and I to make, but left with no options we did what we needed to do.

For the last year I have spoke about being a SAHM because it wasn’t so long ago that I was one. Stories that start with, “Last year when I was home with the kids…” are a comforting to me. They remind me that it wasn’t so long ago when I was privileged enough to be at home with my kids. That comfort is slipping away.

Last year I grabbed my lunch and said goodbye to an empty house at 6:30 in the morning. I spent my day with adults earning a paycheck and returned to squeals of joy at 5:30. I continued my working routine losing a small piece of my mom identity each day. Soon I was no longer the authority on what my children preferred. Now I have to ask Jeff questions before I can give our babysitter instructions for our date night.

Have they had a bath today?

Did they take their vitamins?

What time should they go to bed?

The interaction I have with my kids has shortened from an indeterminately long day to 2 ½ hours. At dinner time I grill them with questions so I can feel connected to them.

What did you do today?

Who did you play with?

Did you have fun?

I am lucky. I enjoy my job. I like the people that I work with. I spend my days focused on a job I enjoy instead of a family I miss. I get three weeks of vacation each year. My kids are home with my husband. In so many ways I am lucky.

Why on the anniversary of full time employment I am focused on what I loss over the last year instead of what we’ve gained? I know that being a SAHM is unbelievably difficult and draining. I also know how rewarding it is. Going to work every day is easy compared to what my husband does. Sometimes my children greet me with smiles while they run away from the man who pours his heart out for them. Other times they barely notice that I am home.

I wish that I can change it all and live in the utopia of family togetherness. We all know that won’t happen, so I am resolved to be content with this situation; confident that God knows what is best for our family.

Mime Reader

My love affair with books started at a young age. My mom gave me her old and tattered volumes of Trixie Belden. I read them all and thirsted for more. I want my children to love books. I try to do the right things now so they will gravitate towards books later. The Reading is Fundamental website has these 10 reading tips for parents of young children.

1. Read aloud to your child every day
2. Create a print rich home environment
3. Model reading and writing
4. Use grocery shopping to encourage reading
5. Cook with your child to develop literacy
6. Explore books together
7. Tell stories together
8. Sing and rhyme with your child
9. Write with your child
10. Visit the library often

Jeff and I do many of the things on this list. We read to the girls at bedtime, we sing and recite nursery rhymes. Jeff takes the girls to the library for story time at least once a week and we have several book cases in our house filled with reading material.

If there were to be an eleventh item on this list it would probably be, "Limit your child's TV time to 30 minutes a day." I'm sure there are parents who manage to do this. I am not one of them.

My daughters ask me to sit with them when they watch TV. I think Noggin provides wonderful programming for preschoolers. I am not a preschooler, so I keep a book handy. When they slip into their TV coma I slowly open my book. I hope that they will not notice me and interrupt my reading.

Bad Mommy! Selfish Mommy! Using TV as a babysitter, you should be ashamed!

But wait! My actions are beneficial to the literacy of my children. The above list says reading in front of my children is good, and now I have a picture to prove it.

Yes, Ariel has a very thick hardbound book on her lap.

Yes, she selected this book herself.

Yes, she is actually in a TV coma.

Yes, occasionally she turns the page without looking away from the TV.

Yes, I am trying not to giggle, because she is "reading" this:
But that’s okay, because I am setting the groundwork. I am helping my daughter realize that reading is a hobby, it is fun and infinitely more interesting than TV. Someday Ariel may grab an age appropriate book and we can read side by side, exploring the wonder of the written word.

That is my dream.

See more Tell Me Thursday participants here.
The picture of Ariel and I was originally posted yesterday for Wordless Wednesday.

Hair Fabulous

Have you ever needed a haircut but made excuse after excuse as to why you shouldn't get one?

This woman is a great example.

This poor lady has convinced herself that her hair is stylish enough.
Look at her hair. Will someone please tell her that it is time to shell over the $55.00 and let someone do something about that drab mess of split ends.

Oh, thank God! Finally the honesty of a child comes in handy.

Now let's look at her.

What a difference! Look at the layers! Look at that smile! She is happy, stylish and dare I say... younger looking. Why, oh why did she wait so long to update her look. I hope she has learned her lesson and will take better care of herself in the future.

And let this be a lesson for all of us. Your hair is an important part of your look. If you want to Fight the Frump, you need to dump that clump of hair that is weighing you down.

Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam...

Latte Mommy tagged me for the Marriage Meme. Thank you Latte, it was fun mulling these memories over in my mind.

1. Where/how did you meet?

I posted about this before. The short answer is a Cutco interview. For the full story go here.

2. How long have you known each other?

We met in January of 1994, so 14 years. Gosh, that makes me feel old. Jeff was 18 and I was 20 when we met, so really we are not that old.
Okay, well HE is not old.

3. How long after you met did you start dating?

Our first date was on January 16, 1994, a couple of weeks after we met.

4. How long did you date before you were engaged?

We dated for 2 ½ years and got engaged on July 9, 1996.

5. How long was your engagement?

About 9 months. We had to give Jeff a chance to turn 21 before we got married.

6. How long have you been married?

Almost 11 years.

7. What is your anniversary?

We were married on March 1, 1997

8. How many people came to your wedding reception?

I’m guessing 130 or so.

9. What kind of cake did you serve?
My Mom made the cake and it was delicious. I wonder if anyone took a picture of the inside of the cake. I cannot, for the life of me, remember what flavor it was.

10. Where was your wedding?

We got married at Morris Chapel which is on the University of Pacific campus in Stockton, CA. It was the same place my grandparents got married.

11. What did you serve for the meal?

We had a choice between chicken and fish (maybe). It was served with garlic mashed potatoes, asparagus and hollandaise sauce, scrumptious.

12. How many people were in your bridal party?

My sister-in-law Amy was my matron of honor. My friends Andrea and Melanie and Jeff’s sisters; Jennifer and Julie were the bridesmaids. Jeff’s friend Jesse was the Best Man. Jeff’s brother Jon, brother-in-law Rob and my brothers Tod and Kurt were groomsmen. Our niece, Samantha was our flower girl; she is Rob and Jen’s daughter. Our nephew Cory was the ring bearer, he is Julie’s son.

Oh, you wanted a number! Twelve.

13. Are you still friends with them all?

Considering that most everyone was family – absolutely. The only person we have lost touch with is Melanie.

14. Did your spouse cry during the ceremony?

Oh, yes. We both did. There was a very sweet moment when my Matron of Honor handed Jeff and handkerchief that he used to dry my tears before he dried his.

15. Most special moment of your wedding day?

Walking down the aisle, exchanging vows, our first kiss, it was all very special.

16. Any funny moments?

After our first kiss we hugged and I buried my head in Jeff’s neck. I accidentally got my bright red lipstick all over his collar. Since it was the side facing our wedding guests, I didn’t want to lift my head until I managed to wipe it all up, which was impossible. So when we walked down the aisle as husband and wife, Jeff had lipstick all over his collar and I was bright red from embarrassment.

17. Any big disasters?

A couple of small things like…
-Jeff arrived late to the rehearsal because he and the best man forgot to pick up their tuxedos.
-Someone stepped on my train with a muddy shoe before the wedding. The wedding planner covered it up with white chalk.
-During his toast, my new Father-in-law couldn't remember my name. He was a little tipsy and everyone thought it was funny, including me.

18. Where did you go on your honeymoon?

We went on a cruise to the Virgin Islands, returned to San Francisco for a couple of days and then went to Maui. The week in Maui was part of a company trip that Jeff had won through Cutco, so it was free and many of our wedding guests and some of our wedding party were there also.

19. How long were you gone?

Two weeks.

20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change?

Invite more people. The chapel could only hold 150 people, so there were a lot of people that I couldn't invite.

21. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

I have to ask my husband because I don’t know my right from my left.
He says, “The right side.”

22. What size is your bed?

Queen

23. Greatest strength as a couple?

We are usually on the same page. We enjoy the same things such as; tennis, skiing, basketball, biking, hiking, and camping so we spend a lot of time together.

Just for fun let me ask him.

He says,” That we don’t give up even when things are tough, that we share the same faith and we are 95.25 % on the same page as far as life goals.”

See, we are pretty compatible.

24. Greatest challenge as a couple?

I have sabotaged several friendships because I am a terrible roommate. The fact that Jeff hasn’t strangled me yet, is a testament to his love for me. I have also made drastic improvements in my ability to clean up after myself because I want to please him. But sometimes he gets fed up with doing all the house work, while I flit around from one thing to the next with no clear agenda and nothing to show for my efforts.

25. Who literally pays the bills?

That would be me.

26. What is your song?

James Taylor “You’ve got a friend”

27. What did you dance your first dance to?

Same song, since I get to talk about this song again, here are some of the lyrics.

“When you’re down and troubled
and you need a helping hand
and nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You’ve got a friend.”

28. Describe your wedding dress.

Off the shoulder raw silk with a beaded bodice and scalloped edges on the train. The pictures from the wedding really don't show the detail and beauty of this dress, so I rummaged through the back of my closet and took pictures of the bodice. I still think this is the most beautiful dress I have ever seen.

Doesn't it look like something Cinderella would wear?

29. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding?

Red, white, and fire and ice roses.

30. Are your wedding bands engraved?

Mine isn’t. I engraved Jeff’s with, “My love, My life.”

Now I am in serious trouble with him, because I had to ask him to remove his ring so I could see the engraving. He knew it from memory.

Hmmm, who to tag.
I don't know if I have ever seen Kellan do a meme, but I would be very interested to hear about the wedding to her Texas cowboy.

I would love to tag some more people, but I have some serious kissing up to do to my husband, so feel free to grab this meme and leave me a comment when you are done.

Run away from the Frump

Do you remember my New Year's resolution? I haven't forgot. I am training for the 5K race that I resolved to run. I expected this training to push me beyond my comfort zone. I expected to developed a love/hate relationship with the treadmill. I expected soreness and aching knees. I have not been disappointed.

What I didn't expect was physical improvements so early in my training and increased self confidence. Mrs. Fussypants is kicking off the weekend with her first Fight the Frump, this is a perfect opportunity to talk about my training program.

The Program

The goal is to go from running one mile to four miles in sixteen weeks. Here is how it breaks down:

Weeks 1 & 2: Monday - 1 mile run, Wednesday & Friday - 10 minute runs
Week 3: Monday - 1.5 mile run, Wednesday & Friday - 12 minute runs
Week 4: Monday - 1.5 mile run, Wednesday & Friday - 15 minute runs
Week 5: Monday - 2 mile run, Wednesday & Friday - 18 minute runs
Week 6: Monday - 2 mile run, Wednesday & Friday - 20 minute runs
Week 7: Monday - 2.5 mile run, Wednesday & Friday - 22 minute runs
Week 8: Monday - 2.5 mile run, Wednesday & Friday - 25 minute runs

I think you are all smart enough to figure out the pattern here.

The Benefits

You can run anywhere. The supplies that you need for this activity are already in your closet. A good workout can be achieved in very little time. There are so many reasons why running is a great way to exercise.

I am in week five of my training program. The thought of running four miles without stopping still overwhelms me. Two weeks ago, I didn't think I would be able to run a mile in less than ten minutes. Then I did it. I ran a mile in ten minutes and then continued to run for another half mile. I cannot explain how satisfying that was. I felt terrific. I accomplished something that I thought would be very difficult for me. My success had a tremendous impact on my self-esteem.

You know what else happened? This -

My tushie is tighter. Five weeks to a tighter tushie. Need I say more?

Oh, Baby

I am aching for a baby. I don't know why my desire to procreate is so strong right now. I haven't held an infant recently. No one I know is pregnant. We have reached the stage with our children where the unpleasant aspects of having a baby are part of the past.

Ariel is potty trained. After changing diapers for four straight years, both my daughters are pantie wearing "big girls". Is it possible to miss diaper changes? Am I so crazy that I would get pregnant just so I can have a little bottom to clean?

Yes, I think I am.

But, no I think I won't.

I'm an intelligent woman. I am good at math. I know that diapers + formula + infant checkups + our normal expenses > my take home pay.

It is a pity that I am so smart. I really want a baby. I want three kids running around my house for the next twenty years and six to nine grandchildren to keep me company in my old age. I want my husband to have a son.

I know you are thinking, "It's okay. You are young. You can have more children later."

But I know what happens. The youngest child turns four and the joy of not having to deal with naps, sleepless nights, teething, and pregnancy overrides the desire to have more children. Parents start realizing that two is a nice even number where you conveniently assign each child to a parent, juggling gymnastics for one and ballet for the other with grace. Families of five are are busy, harried, chaotic and require a mini-van.

I only have one and a half years until Ariel turns four. One and a half years is not long enough to pay off the fifty-five thousand dollar debt that hanging over our heads. In three years both our kids will be in school and Jeff can go back to work. In five years I will be approaching forty and my oldest will be nine. Tick-tock, Tick-tock. Can you hear it?

If I don't have a baby now, it will never happen. So I'll pray. Pray that God will provide a way. Pray that our birth control will fail. Pray that I can have one more child. If these desires are not part of God's plan, I will pray that the next year and a half passes quickly so I can start convincing myself that a family of four is fine.

Wordless Wednesday: Trashy

Six years ago, before kids, my husband and I went to a rocking party.

We had a fabulous time. Sometime after 2 am the cops came in response to a noise complaint so we decided that it was time to go home. We were tired, but determined to make the 90 minute drive home and sleep in our own bed. About half way into our journey, it became impossible to keep our eyes open so we checked into the first motel we could find.

The next morning we woke up, in our party clothes with unwashed faces, bed head and at the trashiest motel I have ever seen. Even though we had been married five years, it felt very much like a walk of shame.

Thank you to Mrs. Fussypants for setting up the League of Extraordinary Wives and Rachel for inviting me. Without you, I would not of had a reason to dig so far back into my photo album and find this jewel.

Go here to see more Wordless Wednesdays that follow the rules by posting pictures without any explanation.

This Post Is Rated "W" For Women

I can't believe that I am going to do this. Before I tell you what I am about to do, I would like to get rid of some people first.
Ryan, go away. I mean it. Off you go.
Male family members and friends, you really don't want to be here. Your wives, girlfriends and mothers are welcome and encouraged, but if you are a boy please find something else to read for today. I will see you tomorrow when I post a topic for all audiences.

So all I have left here is the girls right?
Okay, down to business. First go read what Kelly at Ordinary Art had to say yesterday. I'll be here when you are done. Go on read it! (Sorry for being so bossy, stress does that to me)

Great! You're back. So now you know that I am posting today because....

When we love something we embrace the good with the bad and hold it high for everyone to see. We say, "This is valuable and I love it regardless of what you think!" It is time for me to show that kind of respect for my body.

God gave me this body knowing what I would be, do, experience and need. Who am I to second guess his intentions and bad mouth his gift? It is time for me to face what I like to least and learn to love it the most. And so here they are, my legs.

First of all, this picture doesn't really show why I usually hide these beauties. I have cellulite. I have always had it. Skinny, fat it doesn't matter, it is part of me, part of how I was made.

I have two daughters. Two beautiful, wonderful girls in whom I want to instill confidence so that they will never doubt their beauty. How can they gain that confidence if they do not first see it in me?

This is for my girls.

I promise that I will no longer rush to put a towel around my waist at the pool or wear shorts over my swimsuit at the beach. I promise to praise my legs because they propel me to run and enable me to ride a bike. I will teach you that confidence is beautiful, and self doubt will only hurt you. I will be proud of how God made me because I am proud of how God made each of you!

For the rest of the girls out there. Perfection comes with confidence. It is time to look at our bodies for what they are instead of what they aren't. If you think you will feel better about yourself after you lose weight or tone up or have plastic surgery, you are wrong. I can say this with confidence because I have lost weight, 60 pounds of it. After losing weight I felt better but I didn't feel confident. We will only feel good about ourselves when we stop looking for our flaws and start celebrating our beauty. You are beautiful. Celebrate with me.

What do you think?

I was tagged by PB&J in a Bowl for this thought provoking meme. It seems pretty easy, let’s see how it goes.
Finish the sentence with the first thought that comes to mind.

I know I am loved.
I believe in God.
I fought the urge to think about my last fight.
I am angered, rarely.
I love sunny weather.
I need a new bikini.
I take care of myself.
I hear city noises while I work.
I drink when I’m stressed.
I hate the word hate.
I used PB&J’s answer for that last sentence.
I want my kids live near me when they grow up.
I like to think that we will get along.
I feel wonderful when I come home to my family every night.
I wear jeans whenever I can.
I left my parents house right after high school.
I do not regret that decision.
I hope to get to know my step-mother better.
I dream about the life I live now, I don’t think I could dream up anything better than my reality.
I drive an Audi.
I listen to people complain.
I think they are unhappy because they focus on their troubles.
I wish they would spend more time enjoying their life and less time complaining about it.
I should be more sympathetic towards them.
I regret some of the things I’ve said.
I care about what others think of me.
I said “I’m sorry” to people because it makes me feel better.
I wonder how many apologies I didn’t make that I should of.
I changed more diapers that I can count.
I cry when my children do anything for the first time.
I lose things very easily and my husband always finds them for me.
I leave the house each morning before anyone else wakes up.
I am grateful for my job, my husband and my children. They are everything to me. And whenever I am sad about other relationships in my life I remind myself that my husband understands me. My kids love me. At the end of the day, the year and my life THAT will be the only thing that really mattered.

Who shall I tag? How about The Sports Mama and LatteMommy.

What thoughts will this meme provoke from you?

They are Watching Me!

Welcome MEMBERS OF THE WEEKEND BLOG HOPPERS. Are you not a member? Well then you are seriously missing out. Head on over to The Busy Dad Blog and find out all about it.

Here's something fun. I got this idea from dlyn. She went to Blogthings.com where you choose your favorite image and they tell you what job you would be best at. I am very wary of these things. I mean seriously, an image is going to reveal that much about me. We will see about that.

Ok, magic image that I adore. What does my selection of you say about me?


You Should Be a Manager

Seriously? Ok, smarty pants, why should I be a manager?

You're very organized, (sure) motivated, (absolutely) and methodical.(Why do you have to use that creepy word? Isn't methodical usually synonymous with serial killer?)

Fair and objective, you can see all sides of a conflict. You are a good mediator. (I can't argue with that.)

You are task oriented. (Let me consult my to do list.) You do well with deadlines and schedules.(Yep, I procrastinate right down to the deadline and then bust my a** to get it all done on time.)

And while you can be a task master at times,(At times? You mean like every time I open my mouth?) you're good at managing people and listening to their input.(Well that's sweet. I thought I was listening to their input so they would be more inclined to do what I ask of them.)

You do best when you:
- Must have attention to detail (Is that a bad thing?)
- Are in charge of people (I hate being in charge of people. I'd rather do everything myself. Less mistakes that way.)

You would also be a good accountant or personal assistant.

Well friends, that confirms it. Blogthings.com is watching me. They know that I am a office manager who's duties include accounting and anything else the CEO throws at me and they are using the information to FREAK ME OUT!

What does blogthings.com know about you?

Resolving to Resolve

It is six days into January and I have finally decided to make a resolution. My first resolution is to have a resolution. Years ago my New Years resolution was to not make any more resolutions. I am proud to say that I kept that resolution for many years. I wonder if by making a resolution this year is actually breaking my previous resolution.....

My 2008 New Years Resolution is to run in a 5K race.

I started jogging last summer. I have always exercised, but this summer I decided to go for morning jogs and forgo the gym. Some days I hated it. Most days I got on my bicycle instead and only jogged when it was overcast or raining (because jogging in the rain is safer than riding).

This fall when the weather forced me back to the gym I added a 7 minute run to the end of my weight training. My thought process was that I could do anything for 7 minutes, so I get on the treadmill to improve my speed. I have grown fond of my 7 minutes of running. Lately my 7 minutes have stretched out to 10 minutes just because I don't want to stop.

While in California for Christmas I went for a couple of 1 to 2 mile runs. I could probably go farther, but I have mind of matter issues. I enjoy running when I can keep my mind occupied. Most of the time my internal dialog goes something like this:

"Why am I doing this? This sucks, I'd much rather be on a bike. I am never going to run again. This sucks. This sucks. This sucks."

On Christmas Santa brought me a MP3 player. I have discovered that music helps me run farther and I love it. Ever since I started running, I have wondered if the competition of a race would give me enough motivation to run farther and faster. I also realized that it would be stupid to sign up for a 5K race when I can barely run 2 miles. Now that I have my music I can train for a 5K race.

So I am resolved to run a 5K race. I have an actual event in mind. Memorial Day Weekend our church has a Tinman Biathlon. I believe it is a 10K bike ride followed by a 5K run. I am picking this race because of the low cost and the fact that I would be racing against Christians, so if I collapse they would probably stop and help me, right?

So Long, My Friend

Today is an unexpectedly sad day in our house. My husband is cleaning our Peg Perego Pliko 3 stroller for *gasp* consignment.

I love this stroller. I have no good reason to keep it, we haven't used it in months. Belle will be 4 in January and Ariel is 2 1/2. Ariel is a big girl, and according to her, only babies ride in strollers. So the Peg is going where all good Pegs go, the consignment shop.

One of the benefits of buying a Peg is it's resale value, or at least that's what I told myself at the time. The real reason for the Peg? It's sexy, light weight, easy to maneuver, and frickin' cool. I was one of those mommies carrying a designer diaper bag, wearing makeup and working my designer jeans and impractical shoes. I didn't want my stroller hindering me in between racks of clothing at Nordstrom and Ann Taylor**. I had things to buy and other Mommies to strut my stuff with.

It really didn't last long. By the time Belle was 9 months old, I was pregnant with Ariel. Pretty soon my super sexy shoes were replaced by the comfort of Dansko. Not long after that, the jeans were stored away and I was donning maternity clothing. The stroller still rocked my world, but not because it was so cool, but because it was so easy.

I could put my baby Ariel in a sling, set up the stroller with one hand, put 18 month old Belle in the stroller and off we went. Except now we weren't strutting our stuff. We were rushing to the story time that had already started. We were meeting other overtired, rundown mommies of two at the park or mall play area. I was wearing a hat to cover my disheveled hair and sunglasses to hide my makeup-less eyes.

The true reason why I am going to miss this stroller is because it represents a short period of time when I was the Mommy I always wanted to be. The one with every hair in place, makeup perfectly done and wearing fashionable clothing. The Mommy who went to the mall to shop, for herself. The Mommy that didn't have to waste her time in a play area and wasn't negotiating with her restless kids so she could try on one article of clothing.

To me the Peg represents everything good in motherhood. A sleeping baby in a comfortable stroller while Mommy is shopping. Those were the days.


**Total side note: Did you see Ann Taylor makes maternity clothes?? Ann Taylor Maternity is a great reason to get knocked up!

Work, Beer and Botox

Latte Mommy tagged me for my very first MEME. What's a MEME? I have no idea, but all the popular blogs are doing it and now I can too! For this MEME I get to list seven things that you didn't know about me. Ready? Here they are.

• I've mentioned that I am a working mom, but never talk about my job. I am an office manager in an office with three engineers. They engineer our product, I do the other stuff. This means accounting, human resources, purchasing, project management, marketing and telling the assembly team what to build and when to build it. I also get to deal with shipping and export documents. It is a good job, and I enjoy the people I work with.


• I recently outsourced all my job related writing responsibilities. I was writing press releases with the help my co-workers and an editor. I do not like writing, especially pieces about our very technical XYZ product for a complicated ABC industry that are published in trade magazines read by people more knowledgeable about the industry and applications than I am. Two weeks after I hired a PR firm write my press releases for me, I started this blog. It seems I love a challenge, and am currently challenging myself to become a better writer.


• The three engineers that I work with met in college. One of the traditions they maintain from their college days is Beer O' Clock. Every Friday at 4 pm we walk to a beer shop that sells microbrews by the bottle. In order to hang out with the guys and drink at work, I've learned to like beer. I have found Abby style Belgium beers to be quite tasty.


• Every weekday during my lunch break I walk across the street to my gym and workout. It is the best hour of my day.


• For my 31st birthday, I treated myself to Botox injections. It was great and I'd do it again. For your enjoyment, here is 2 pictures. Me with Botox and me without Botox. I won't even tell you which is which. You guess.

• I unintentionally lied about my weight on my drivers license. I was eight pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight when I got a new drivers license. I put 125 pounds on my application fully expecting to lose the last couple of pounds. I have been dieting for the last year and a half so I can honestly say I weigh what my license says. It's stupid, I know.
  


• Some of my closest friends live far away from me. I either left them in California or they have moved away. I am terrible at picking up the phone and not consistent with e-mailing so I don't get to talk to them very much. I miss them!

That's all folks. Thanks for reading. That was really fun to write.

Now in hopes of finding out some little known facts about my new friends in the blogosphere, I would like to invite....

Fine for Now, who I just found and love her amusing posts.

Rachel, From the Land of Monkeys and Princesses. She just tagged me on an Ipod meme which I am going to figure out how to do on my Windows Media Player, soon.

Amy at Permission to Peruse who writes a blog I am being entertained by.

TheMommyKelly at Taken with a Grain of Salt. If you are looking for something fun to do, check out her Flaunt it Friday Challenge.

I'd tag some more people, but my bed is calling. Happy blogging everyone.