Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Stories I Won't Tell

Like some people, blogging is a form of therapy for me. It is also a way to record my memories so they can survive a muddled brain that is constantly pushing out wonderful memories in favor of needless information.

I have found a new therapy. Because of high gas prices, I am saving $100 a month by riding my bike to work instead of driving. Biking is my new therapy. I spend over an hour a day on my bike. That is a long time to ponder life, my relationships and God. Sometimes I think of wonderful things to blog about, but those thoughts are gone by the time I sit down in front of a computer.

My objective in blogging has always been to share about the positive aspects of my family. I am going to break this rule in order to explain why this is so important to me.

I don’t have very many good memories of my childhood. I didn’t have a bad childhood, I just don’t remember the good times. There is a reason for this. My family found it amusing to talk about the mistakes we made as children. Remember the time you …

… told your brother to run away.
… got kicked off the school bus for __________.
… blah, blah, blah. You really screwed up that time.

These stories are usually followed by laughter, but it is the strained kind that hides the underlying pain and embarrassment. My childhood memories are made up of these moments, not because they are memorable, but because they are recounted until the memory of me in my younger years only consists of bad decisions, broken relationships and hard times.

I don’t want this for my children. I am committed to not writing about their mistakes and lapses in judgment. I will not talk about how sisters fight, because I don’t want them to remember the fights. I want them to remember the hugs.

So for now, I am silent. Life is good. We are happy and healthy. The peace in our home is a haven found in between moments of strife. It is difficult for children to learn how to interact with their peers in a kind and caring way. It is unfortunate that as children we hone our social skills through conflict with our siblings. It is a blessing when we reach adulthood and are able to put behind past hurt and have a loving relationship with our brothers and sisters.

Maybe I am trying too hard to facilitate a healthy relationship between my girls. Maybe, like everything else that is important in my life, I should give this important task to God through prayer. After all what power do I have over the future relationship of my daughters?

This is something I will ponder on my bike ride home.


Lisa said...

Powerful post....and so true. I try & tell my girls every day that they are each other's best friend and will be forever. I hope it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I too pray that they will love and respect each other as they grow older.

That picture of the two of them hugging is just beautiful!

Rachel said...

Absolutely beautiful! LOVE this post!
Yippeee for you for riding your bike to work! I love riding my bike and the kids love it, too.

Beautiful picture.


Kimmylyn said...

Jogging and running. You are a machine!!!

Loved the post and so very true. I pray that my boys will be best friends..

lattemommy said...

Awww...thanks for the linky love! I think it's great that biking is your new therapy, with the added benefit of tight glutes!

Great photo of the girls. They'll fight (all sisters do), but you're doing the right thing by not focusing on it. One day they'll love looking back on your stories and pictures of them, and they'll be glad that it paints such a beautful picture of their early life.

Nap Warden said...

I hope my kiddos start actually liking each other...They are just so little right now. I keep trying though.
Good for you with the bike!

OHmommy said...

Kudos all around. On biking. on positivity. A big KUDOS.

I agree.

Now, I am off to read through 1 year of my own blogs to make sure I didn't write anything to negative!

ConverseMomma said...

This post was so inspiring. Your daughters are so blessed to have you as a mommy. You always make me feel I can be a better woman by just reading and reflecting on your words, much like prayer, my friend.
Love and hugs!

krissy said...

You go girl. I'm fasinated that you ride your bike to work. I couldn't do that as I live too far away and it's all interstate but I could ride my ass on a bike to a friends house instead of driving.

I am so sick of gas prices too!

Hey it's Amy Shipp said...

Good for you riding your bike to work!! I used to love riding my bike... It really is a wonderful oportunity to think!
Sadly, I "can't remember" most of my childhood for those same reasons. Yay for blogging, huh!

The Sports Mama said...

Really, is it possible to try to hard to encourage good relationships between siblings? If so, then I'm just as guilty of it with my boys as you are with your girls.

Chris said...

Funny. Many of my memories are similar for a lot of the same reasons.

I took up cycling about a year ago. It's the best therapy there is!

MommyTime said...

This is a great, thoughtful post. I haven't ever consciously done this (probably because my family wasn't prone to retelling the mistakes), but I do think of my blog as a record for my kids of their lives and mine together, and I really haven't recounted the yukky bits because, honestly, who wants to save the dirty laundry? Thanks for helping me think more about this. That's why I love your blog -- it always gives me something new and interesting to think about.

Lovely photo too, by the way.