Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Mine for now

My children are slipping away from me. Not in a noticeable alarming way, but in an insidious unstoppable way that time puts in motion and I am powerless to stop.

Karen Kingsbury wrote a beautiful children’s book called "Let me Hold You Longer" . This book quickly brings tears to my eyes and by the end of the story I am usually blubbering. My children don’t seem to notice my sobbing, because the illustrations are fun and entertaining. This is what Karen has to write:

"Long ago you came to me, a miracle of firsts; First smiles and teeth and baby steps, a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away and leave to me your past, And I will be left thinking of a lifetime of your lasts ...
The last time that I held a bottle to your baby lips,
The last time that I lifted you and held you on my hip.
The last night when you woke up crying, needing to be walked.
When last you crawled up with your blanket, wanting to be rocked."


Ok, go get your tissue now. I promise I will not make you cry anymore.

My girls are 2 ½ and 4 years old. Some of the chores associated with raising babies are gone. I am happy that they can feed themselves, but at the same time I miss holding my baby for twenty minutes every three hours while she ate. I only got to experience that for one year. At the end of that year I was happy to put away all the bottles, not realizing what else I was saying goodbye to.

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Saturday I loaded two girls totaling seventy-five pounds onto my bike turned train. I rode one mile to the park while they playfully yelled, “Watch out for that tree, Mommy!” “Don’t hit that car!”
While at the park they ask me to push them on the swings, catch them at the bottom of the slide, help them play baseball and set up a picnic. Meanwhile I snapped 165 pictures of our glorious spring day.Suddenly, I notice that there are no children over the age of six on the playground. All the older kids are on the soccer fields following the instruction of their coaches, playing with their friends. Their parents stand idly on the sidelines.
I realized that I should never tell my girls that I am too busy to push them on the swing, or that they don’t need me to catch them at the bottom of the slide. They might not need me, but for now they want me.

For now goes by too fast.

20 comments:

lattemommy said...

It does go by so quickly, doesn't it? I try to remember to savour every moment, but it's hard sometimes to keep your perspective. And, at the same time, I'm so fascinated by the little people they are becoming. We leave a stage behind, but the next stage is full of interesting firsts...

Jane the Sane said...

I like how you rearranged things!

Gorgeous pictures of your daughters. What a lovely day :)

Nap Warden said...

*tear* I can't even think about it...my team is growing up so fast!

Honeybell said...

Your girls are so gorgeous!

It is so hard to see them grow up--it's been hard this year as my 6 year old has gone on to kindergarten, and the 2 year old is getting so big and independent. I take comfort though that the 12 year old, even while hanging with his friends, is always saying "come see me do this! hey what do you think of this?!" etc.
You are so right to treasure these moments now!

TheVasquez3 said...

love love love this post! i have read that book many times and each time it turns me into a puddle of my own tears.

time flies...i am not going to miss a minute of it. THIS is the time of MY life.

Vixen said...

Oh my, I need more tissues. My babies are 24, 21 and 16. Enjoy, it is wonderfully priceless.

The Sports Mama said...

Yes, I teared up at this. No surprise there. I'm fighting this feeling every single time I look at my teenager, who acts like not only doesn't he need me anymore, he doesn't want me around either.

But then he'll always ask if I'm coming to his next game, and I always see him looking out from the dugout or as he's taking the field, making sure I'm there.

And it reminds me that while he might not need me for a lot of things, he still WANTS to share the important parts of his life with me.

And that's why I'm never too busy to do things with them. Housework and dinner will still be around. These moments where they want me around won't.

JLow said...

Just this morning after a shower, while blowdrying my hair (don't laugh, my Asian hair would otherwise naturally-dry spikey), I was just thinking how Caitlin has stopped running in greeting me upon hearing the hair dryer going.

These days she just remains wherever she is, usually infront of the tv. Soon she would be going ohmigawd heisonthehairdryeragainIamsoembarrassedIhopenooneknowsthisaboutmydad...

OHmommy said...

How true. You are so right.

I try not to blink too often for the same reason. How quickly they will be gone and busy with school.

Love your bike trailer!

Kelly said...

You speak, my heart answers. I am feeling the same, so very much the same. I think you and I need to get preggos together :)

HRH said...

I have that book and blubber all the way through it. My mom laughs that it is a mommy book, not a kid book.

I know! I know! The park. They need me...ugh...I have to go cry now.

Stephanie said...

I have a China adoption book like this too. Called "I Love You Like Crazy Cakes." I CANNOT get through it without sobbing.

That new Stephen Curtis Chapman song always gets me going too. Called "Cinderella." It's on my blog. Go grab a tissue first.

Lisa said...

Geesh....you're going to make me blubber!

It goes by so, so fast. I just wish I could slow it all down....

Hey it's Amy Shipp said...

I loved this post... It is true, there is only a small "window" of the children's lives that you can be totally involved in. It goes by fast! Enjoy you little ones as much as you can!

pb&j in a bowl said...

I have the bad habit of wishing time away, when the most precious time is right now. I can't read any of karen Kingsbury's books without crying.

Huckdoll said...

Gosh, Amy. This did almost make me cry...as hard as the first year was, I miss those days so much! Off to look at pictures of the Terrible Two when they were just little Baby Burritos...

themommykelly said...

Way too fast! Thank you for sharing!

E said...

Mine are 22, 18 and 12. The trick is to stay present. I grieve their baby selves, can cry just thinking about never nursing again.
But then we go to a political rally with a bunch of their friends and I listen to their dreams and ideas, and am grateful for this wonderful young adult stage that they want me to be in with them.
Stay awake. There is plenty more good stuff coming...

LunaNik said...

Yep, cried like a baby on this post. Thanks for that. Really. REmind me not to read your blog while I'm at work anymore!

The pics are precious! Your children are beautiful! And your mommy train is fabulous. I want one! My kiddos would LOVE it!!!

Victoria said...

*Sniffly* This is also close to my heart. I feel like every day is just one less that they will need me or want me. It brings me to tears.

Often.