Thursday, March 27, 2008

An Open Letter to Poison Control

Dear Poison Control,

Thank you so much for your help the other night. When I called you at 2 AM, I half expected to get a recorded message instead of a real person. You did a wonderful job assisting me and you sounded very alert. It made me wonder how many calls you answer in the middle of the night.

If it seemed strange to you that my toddler consumed a half of tube of toothpaste, you kept your surprise well hidden. When you asked me how long ago the toothpaste binge happened were you expecting me to say, "At 8PM, but I didn't think to call until now" instead of "10 minutes ago"?

After you asked for the name of my child and telephone number did you look back on your records to see that both of my children have chugged Children's Tylenol straight from the bottle. Do you wonder if I feed them, or if they fend for themselves by digging through the medicine cabinet?

It's really not like that. Why my child decided to brush her teeth at 2 am is beyond me. Obviously personal hygiene is a priority in our house. How brushing her teeth turned into snack time followed by smearing toothpaste all over the counter and then trying to clean it up with soap, I will never know.

I may have exaggerated when I told you that she consumed a half of tube of toothpaste. The new tube of Crest for Kids was more than half gone and it was impossible to determine how much of that toothpaste made up the soapy / minty mixture she was playing in. Since I have so much experience conversing with wonderful workers like you at Poison Control I knew that you would want to know the maximum amount of fluoride that could possibly have been ingested by my 35 pound baby for your calculations. It is comforting to know that 4 ounces of toothpaste is not toxic to a child of this size and age. I will add this knowledge to my mommy database next to the toxicity of 3 ounces of Children's Tylenol to a child of the same size.

Thank you again for being there for me in the middle of the night. My baby is doing fine. We gave her a glass of milk like you suggested, and she never did vomit.

Best regards,
Amy

26 comments:

Honeybell said...

Hilarious!! (only because I know she's ok) I AM glad she is aware of the importance of oral hygiene though.

I've had to call poison control twice. So embarrassing.

TheVasquez3 said...

oh Amy...poor you! what is it with kids and things they should not eat.

when i was a kid i spend many hours in the ER with something i decided to stick in my nose or ear. i have no idea why i did this, because i HATED going to the ER....yet, i kept finding new things to stick in the holes in my head....bizarre.

LunaNik said...

Wow. I don't know what to say. I can't even imagine how scary it is to have to call Poison Control. On the other hand, the mess in the bathroom...Classic. I wish I could have been there to see the look on your face when you found her!

Seriously, I'm glad everything is fine and that Poison Control's advise was timely but ultimately unnessary.

Hopefully, that's your last Poison Control phone call!

Kelly said...

Oh baby, I have been there. We have called 3x over Jack. Every single time I call I think I am being judged a horrible mother. I am sure they are laughing at me.

Melissa said...

That was great! I had to call poison control when Katelyn ate one of those silcon packets that come in new shoes. Glad your little one was ok!!

Amy said...

Melissa - You just reminded me that I have spoke to Poison Control four times. We had a silicon packet situation too!

Please tell me that someone out there has had more contact with Poison Control than me!
SIL Amy?
Anyone?

MommyTime said...

This letter is completely hilarious. I'm so glad she's fine. This has happened to us too... Isn't it awful when you can't figure out how much toothpaste has actually gone into the little mouth? And Son also fed himself Motrin, straight from the bottle, after opening the childproof cap himself. Good times!

krissy said...

Holy toledos....it's been forever since I have heard from you!

I miss you!!!! Where did you go???

Jane the Sane said...

Oh man. I am glad your baby is okay.

Stephanie said...

Oh yes...I've made similar calls...and wondered...will they call CPS because I just called Poison Control 2 weeks ago? Avi chugged baby Motrin. Got off the "child proof" cap...and I can't remember why I had to call them the 1st time. Must have blocked the horror from my memory.

lattemommy said...

That is so scary - I'm terrified of the first time my kids ingest something they really ought not to have ingested. Actually, I'm not so worried about the Princess, as she does not eat anything, but I'm sure Jr. is just waiting for his opportunity.

I have a friend who used to be the nurse you talk to on the Poison Control line. She got lots of phone calls in the middle of the night, and I never once heard her make fun of or criticize any of her callers. On the other hand, she could tell some truly frightening stories. Be glad your kids haven't made you the subject of one of those stories...

themommykelly said...

That is freakin' hysterical... the letter, I mean. I think I would have totally went nuts if Drama Queen did something like that. Well, I guess it is alittle bit entertaining! But not to you at 2am!

Glad that she is ok.

The Sports Mama said...

Oh my. That is certainly an interesting choice of midnight snack. I'm glad she's ok, though.

I can honestly say that we've never had the pleasure of conversing with Poison Control, no matter what the hour. We have, however, occasionally been on a first name basis with the ER staff in a couple of cities we've lived in. ;)

Irene said...

That is so funny, but only because your daughter was fine.

I had to call once before and, as others mentioned, I was so embarrassed!

I was giving my special needs child Amoxicillin. Since she is tube fed, I had to convert the dose into cc's. No big deal because everything we give her is in cc's. But for some reason, this time they said give a teaspoon, and I converted it to 15 cc's (which is a tablespoon). I felt so dumb.

Luckily, it was no big deal.

I am sure they get all kinds of crazy calls every day.

Lisa said...

Oh. My. Gosh.
Seriously?
Someday that will be a really funny story. Until then, I hope you get some much needed rest...and start locking that kid in her room at night ;)

Huckdoll said...

This made me smile - you are really such a talented storyteller, even if the story is a little scary.

Have a great weekend!

Fine For Now said...

Wow! They do stuff like that! Amusing and freaking SCARY at the same time!

Cheffie-Mom said...

Oh my gosh!!! Glad she is ok. When my daughter was little she ate an entire bottle of Tylenol chewables. Very scary at the time, so I can totally relate!! Love your blog!

OHmommy said...

Oh no.... they have everything on record.

:)

You poor thing.

HRH said...

OMG. Bless you and your toothpaste-eatin' baby.

E said...

I loved the memories this post kicked up for me.God I never thought of the permanent record I must have made there until i read this. My oldest kid ate shoe polish, cat litter, and the little packet of preservatives that come with fresh flowers.
He's a 6 foot 4 inch 22 year old now. They do survive somehow....

Nap Warden said...

Oh no!!! I still think a tube of toothpaste has to be better that cat food:) Glad she's OK.

Rachel said...

Holy cow!
Poor Amy. and Yay for Poison Control.
Thanks for the giggles.

Victoria said...

Oh, my. First, glad she was okay. Second, I've avoided poison control. But being on Child Protective Services' list? BTDT. In one year our daughter had 20 stitches in her head, had her chin glued shut and broke her arm (both bones). We lost track of ER and doctor appointments. We were seeing three specialists for her.

Let's just say they've separated my husband and I to ask us to "Tell Us What Happened".

Sweet.

And - what the heck? I can't even get my kids to brush!!

Amy said...

Strangely enough, between the four of mine, I have never had to call poison control.

Valarie said...

I had to call poison control once for my son when he tried to drink finger nail polish remover. I was quite shocked when the lady I was talking to said "oh he didn't ingest any, I know I mistaked it for mouth wash one time and theres no way he would be able to swallow it." I was very happy to have gotten the lady with the most experience in that area. :)