Thursday, January 17, 2008

Where did it go?

Today PB&J in a Bowl posted about her daughters upcoming birthday. As I was reading this delightful post I glanced at my calender and had a "Oh No!" moment.

Oh No!
My daughters birthday is ten days away. Ten, people! As in the number of fingers on both your hands.

Oh No!
She is going to be four years old. Four! How did this happen? She was suppose to stay little. She is not suppose to grow up. Sleep through the night, sure. Learn to talk, walk, and feed herself, absolutely. Why can't she accomplish all these milestones and still be my baby? Little enough to hold and carry with me everywhere.

Oh No!
I only have one more year until she is old enough to start school. One year goes by fast. I'm not ready to wake up one morning and find that she is a kindergartener.

I really shouldn't be surprised by the passage of time, everyone told me this would happen when I was pregnant with her four years ago. Four short years ago when I was the only woman in her ninth month not begging for my baby to be born. I was as big as a house and I wanted to remain that way forever because pregnancy was a experience I understood, I was not ready for the great unknown that is motherhood.

Now I stand on the cusp of a new era. I am about to face a birthday that marks the first time I haven't wished my child older. My firstborn, my pioneer. From the day she was born I was always pushing her towards the next developmental stage. I wanted her to roll over, sit up, walk, talk, run, ride a bike, jump and swing. Now I want to freeze time. I want to go back to when she was born, and hold her a little longer and a little tighter. I want to breathe a little slower and sleep a little less in hopes that time will slow down.

I cannot do these things. What I can do is spend the next two hours playing with her and hugging her. I can treasure the time I have with her today and do my best to not be distracted from my truest desire, to love and be loved by my children.


Don Mills Diva said...

That was lovely. Sounds like you're doing everything possible to make that happen for both of you.

OHmommy said...

Yes, it flies doesn't it?

I tell my kids every day not to get any bigger and they giggle and laugh. But I am serious!

Don't grow. Just. Stop. it.

pb&j in a bowl said...

You managed to write everything that I've been thinking about this birthday. And better than I could have.

I wanted Maddie to grow up and do everything so quickly. And now, I just want her to stop getting older and just be little, for a while longer. I guess most moms go through this, but it doesn't make it any easier.

The Sports Mama said...

While I would love to tell you each birthday gets easier...

Nope. I struggle all the time with the fact that mine is going to be 15!!! It was easier to ignore he was growing up while he still wasn't doing grown up things like kissing girls and shaving. *sigh*

JLow said...

It's not just mom's going through this!

Caitlin is 3 yrs old now. Caleb's just around 10 days old.

At the moment I so wish him to be as old as his sister (it's the cries, the diapers, the general infant inconveniences), because I so enjoy the interactions now with the 3yr old.

But if that is to be, it also means Caitlin will no longer be her 3yr old self anymore...

carrie said...

oh my gosh, tell me about it! My youngest is going to turn one in a couple weeks. And now, since I know he's the last, I'm totally emotional and freaking out like I've seen everyone else do with their youngest.

I wasn't expecting this and I have no idea where the last year went!

gypsytears said...

Because I cannot stop my children from growing either I have decided to focus on things I can control. I can control spending lots of time with them playing and enjoying their stories. I can also find happiness in knowing that as they grow and face new challenges I will be there with them. I love to be with them - they are my most favorite people ever.

Victoria said...

Lovely photo. Just stumbled upon you today from...heck, I don't know where I was! =)

Kelly said...

Amazing. I wanted Jack to do all his first right away. With Molly, I beg her not to grow up. What if she is my last baby, I want to savor it.
This post was lovely.

Kellan said...

What a beautiful post!! Yes, time flies by and there never seems to be enough time to love them every single minute! Take care and have a good weekend. Kellan

Marla said...

Time does move fast. What an adorable baby she was. Four! That is a special birthday. Have fun!

Nap Warden said...

Four!!! Wow, how do you slow it down. Miss Peach is going to be three. I'm so not ready!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Great post!

Mine are 18 an 14 and I have no idea how that happened so fast.

Btw, great haiku!